Did you ever come across a book whose title grabbed you and wouldn't let go? Well, Redneck Heaven by Marchelle Wallace is just such a book. Not only does it have a great title but it's got a great bit of humor to the storyline too. Throw in a sexy hero and witty banter and you have a winner of a read. Courtesy of CBLS Promotions you get the chance to learn more about this book and have the chance to win it too.
REDNECK HEAVEN by Marchelle Wallace
Meredith Colt has an epiphany on her way to her own wedding. The epiphany leaves her in the arms of sexy green-eyed stranger Marlon Bridges. Four weeks later, the lovely Miss Colt arrives at her deceased Grandfather's house in search of herself in Heaven, Pennsylvania (Redneck Capital of the World, according to her mother and sister) only to find her closest neighbor is none other than the sexy Redneck Marlon Bridges, owner of the Heavenly Timber and Logging Company.
The town has very strict views on Flatlanders and Meredith lives down to their expectations of how a Flatlander should act. Marlon is a card carrying member of the Rednecks-R-Us club.
Can these two strangers put their differences aside and discover that true love hits you upside the head with a two by four when you least expect it?
EXCERPT #1:
“Excuse me; pardon me, oh hell, just move.” Gwenivere Meredith Colt said as she desperately tried to navigate the narrow aisle, without much luck, as people kept popping up in front of her.
Gwenivere was trying to get to the bathroom on the rocking, rickety rackety train that she was currently riding on. She was dressed in the most hideous white dress she had ever seen, which was also two (okay 4) sizes too small. Well it was her wedding day so what did you expect. The ginormously ugly dress had an old-fashioned bustle skirt that made her ass look three times its normal size, which was in no way small to start with, so the addition of yards of extra fabric was not helping. It also had a three-mile long train, which she kept stepping on and getting twisted around her ankles, so she was afraid she would fall over at any minute. Added to that, the bodice with the spaghetti straps, which was causing her non- small breasts to smoosh up and over the top and she was in hell. Well actually, Gwenivere was on an excursion train, final destination…Happily ever after, forever and ever. (Yeah right) The hideous dress with the excessive fabric kept getting caught on the seats, the floor, and the men’s shoes.
Men? Where are the maid of honors and the sister and frantic mother of the bride?
Just peachy, wrong train. “Where in the hell is the bathroom?” Someone gave an indistinct wave in the general direction that she was already headed, so she kept going forward, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, since she was already sure that none of them belonged with her wedding party anyway.
Gwenivere heard a distinct rip from the direction of someone’s shoe as she tried pulling all that extra fabric out from behind her, while trying very hard not to breathe so that things didn’t start popping out the top of the ugly dress from hell. She made a frantic attempt to look normal, but let’s face it; normal had been left at the train station.
Where had this gone wrong? Possibly, when she showed up for a wedding she didn’t plan, didn’t remember agreeing to, and probably didn’t want. Not to mention the butt ugly dress that she didn’t pay for or try on before the wedding. How in the hell had she ended up here? She remembered Mark talking about them getting married, and that he would take care of everything, because she was so bogged down at work, because he had bogged her down with so much of his workload that she had a hard time getting her own done, Thank you very much. “No problem, I’ll handle everything,” he’d said. When exactly had he asked her if she wanted to get married? When had she said “yes I will marry you, please plan everything and don’t forget to make me look as stupid as possible?”
Nice time for an epiphany. God I’m dumb. And where in the hell did they hide the bathroom on excursion trains, please God let there be a bathroom.
EXCERPT #2:
Meredith woke up with a start. It took her a little while to get her bearings and to figure out what woke her up. She remembered hearing sirens in the distance, but that was nothing new for Philadelphia. She listened longer trying to figure out what had startled her awake. There was a lot of talking and some yelling and it almost sounded like someone was trying to break down her door, which couldn’t be right. She heard a clang and someone swearing as she looked towards the fireplace she vaguely noticed that the fire was out, down to smoldering coals, good thing it wasn’t cold out. She wrapped the tuxedo jacket around her and went out the front door to see what the racket was about. By the looks of the sun, it couldn’t be six yet, and since no one in town knew her, let alone that she was there, she doubted this was the welcoming committee.
When she opened the door, the site that greeted her momentarily made her speechless. In her driveway was what looked like the entire volunteer fire department, which meant there were men and women ranging in age from sixteen to eighty, complete with a tanker, a ladder truck, and a rescue squad, arguing over how to break down the door or maybe they should chop through the roof to vent the fire? Cars were parked on the lawn and trucks were parked anywhere they were turned off, with little regard to the rose bushes and other flowers along the driveway. Men were running all over the front of the property. Someone was laying a hose down to her pond, while someone else was barking commands. All that was missing was a damn Dalmatian and the scene would be complete.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She yelled at the top of her lungs. To a man, they all turned to stare at her as if she had horns. No one answered her, as if the whole volunteer fire department, all eighteen of them she counted, had been struck dumb at the sight of her.
Why me?
“I said, what the hell do you think you are doing, you crazy goddamn Rednecks?”
One brave soul stepped forward, spat on the ground, and informed her that someone saw smoke and they were there to put out the fire.
“Jesus, save me from Redneck morons,” she said pretty much to herself, but apparently, words carried in the early A.M. in this part of the country. “There is no fire, I started a fire in the fireplace and then must of drifted off to sleep, see only a wisp of smoke coming from the effing chimney. NO FIRE!” Every last moronic soul on her lawn stopped what they were doing to look up at the chimney with the wisp of smoke coming out the chimney. When they had all confirmed that they saw the same thing, they returned their stares to her.
“That’s dangerous lady.” said another fireman from the crowd.
“Not nearly as dangerous as I am going to be if you don’t get all the crap off my lawn and out of my driveway.” Meredith informed her unwanted visitors.
EXCERPT #3:
“You said you would feed me, you never said you would force me to go into the Diner.” Meredith screeched at Marlon as they stood in front of the Sit a Spell Diner in town.
“I am going to feed you; I just didn’t say I was going to cook for you too.” Marlon grabbed her arm, trying to wrestle her through the door on the hope that if he got her inside, she wouldn’t make a scene. As it was people from inside every shop lining Main Street were staring at them, including his long nose friend the Chief of Police.
“No, I told you I am never going in there again. You tricked me into coming to town. You have lived here all of your life, you rat, and you don’t know what time the goddamn post office opens? Huh? Jerk, I am not going inside and have everyone stare at me like a bug under a microscope. No. No. No.” She punctuated each word with a thump to his chest, her voice rising with each word. Meredith spun to get out of his grip and bumped into someone walking on the sidewalk.
“Oh hi, Meredith, Marlon,” Sue Calhan from the Hardware said. “I was just going in for breakfast. I hope you were going in and not just leaving?” Sue asked warmly with hope in her eyes.
Marlon answered for both of them. “On our way in for breakfast, won’t you join us Sue?” He held the door open for both women to precede him into the Diner. He figured that Meredith’s breeding would surely take over and she wouldn’t be so rude as to leave poor Sue standing all alone inside.
Meredith walked past him to go into the Diner. When they were chest to chest she stepped on his foot and ground her toes for effect. “You will pay dearly for this that I can assure you.” She spat at him under her breath.
“Would it be better if I kissed you first?” He asked her to get her moving.
Sue moved like a general through a battlefield to get to an empty table. The further Meredith stepped into the Diner, the smaller she tried to make herself. Sue spoke to everyone she passed. Meredith tried not to make eye contact. Marlon could tell that it was taking all of her manners not to bolt. Sue commandeered an empty table in the back. Marlon waited for Meredith to decide if she wanted to face the rest of the restaurant or to have her back to them. Sue sat and waited, trying to appear oblivious to the woman who was towering over the table. Marlon moved up behind Meredith and whispered in her ear
“Pick a place or I swear to God I will pick you up and sit you down on my lap.”
Meredith elbowed him in the stomach, leaned back, and told him “Try it and I will squash your balls when you sit down.” Meredith finally decided it was better to be knifed in the back than to have to face the hostility openly, so she sat with her back to the rest of the Diner. Maybe if she talked really loud, she could drone out the whispers.
BUY LINKS:
I live in a very small town in Northern Pennsylvania. I am blessed with one of everything... one husband, one son, one daughter, one dog, one cat, and a pet bunny. I have always wanted to be an author and have been writing stories in my head for years.
When not writing, I am a Bookkeeper and Tax Preparer. I enjoy cooking, swimming, crocheting, flowers, wild birds, cute scarecrows (not the scary kind), photography, and the Pittsburgh Steelers. In my spare time, I volunteers at the local senior center, public library as well as various church activities.
I am an avid reader, reading mostly romance, although I am willing to try almost any book that is recommended. I like to be entertained but not scared. My favorite authors are Jennifer Crusie and Janet Chapman. My favorite books are Faking it, Agnes and the Hitman, Bet Me, the Highlander series, The Man Must Marry, and the Magic Series by Patricia rice.
I love country music and listen to it every chance I get. I can be found dancing to the beat everywhere I go. My favorite season is Tax Season.
I am a 2010 and 2011 Participant and Winner of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month www.nanowrimo.org). Participating in NaNoWriMo helped me take one of the stories from my head to the page. It was an awesome experience and I recommend every budding author give it a try.
Redneck Heaven is the result of Participating in NaNoWriMo 2010.
marchellewallace@verizon.net
http://www.marchellewallace.com
http://www.redneckauthor.blogspot.com
http://www.yourbookauthors.com/members/jarbritt
http://www.facebook.com/redeneckauthor
**********GIVEAWAY*********
Prize is an eBook copy of Redneck Heaven.
-Giveaway is OPEN TO EVERYONE!
-To be entered just leave a comment, along with your email addy.
-Winner will be chosen using random.org and will have 48 hours to respond to my winner's confirmation email or a new winner will be chosen.
-Giveaway ends at 11:59 PM CST on 4/2.
-To be entered just leave a comment, along with your email addy.
-Winner will be chosen using random.org and will have 48 hours to respond to my winner's confirmation email or a new winner will be chosen.
-Giveaway ends at 11:59 PM CST on 4/2.
*To learn more about this book and for more chances to win a copy, find more tour stops here.
The title is fun, isn't it!? The excerpts are good too. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletecatherinelee100 at gmail dot com
I wasn't sure who to feel sorry for in that last excerpt. I'm looking forward to how things came about to cause that situation.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the excerpts and for the giveaway opportunity.
sophiarose1816@gmail.com
I enjoyed the excerpts. The book sounds very interesting.
ReplyDeletebn100candg(at)hotmail(dot)com
Great excerpts. I love the banter between Meredith and Marlon. This book sounds like a lot of fun. Can't wait to read it. Thanks for the chance to win it.
ReplyDeleteJoanne B
e.balinski(at)att(dot)net